A Merry Hawksmas

Bo Churney —  December 24, 2012 — 1 Comment

Family Opening Christmas Presents

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… 12 gifts for the Hawks family!

So, on this merry holiday, what does Santa need to bring the Hawks the most? I give Mr. Claus 12 suggestions for what the guys may need.

  • Josh Smith: a 9-iron. A great club for perfecting that pesky mid-range game!
  • Zaza Pachulia: Mueller’s Stickum Spray! Because we’ve all seen how skilled Z is at catching the ball! I’m pretty sure the San Diego Chargers could lend him some…
  • DeShawn Stevenson: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire hunter on Blu-ray. Because I feel DeShawn needs to acquaint himself more with fictional tales of the man whose image occupies a large amount of his neck.MV5BNjY2Mzc0MDA4NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTg5OTcxNw@@._V1._SY317_
  • Devin Harris: Icy-Hot, mainly because it would be nice for him to get back in the lineup, instead of being injured and on the bench.
  • Jeff Teague: Candy and sweets. Why? Have you ever looked at the food pyramid? Guess what’s on the top tier…
  • Ivan Johnson: The Giant Book of Poetry, as collected by William Roetzheim. I mean, we’re all aware that Ivan’s thoughts are just waxing poetic, right?
  • Kyle Korver: A coupon for a chiropractor visit. Your threes are too pretty, Kyle, don’t let back spasms ruin it for the rest of us. (yes, I’m selfish)
  • John Jenkins: A watch, because that’s about the only way he’s going to get any time! (I’ll get out)
  • Al Horford: Caffeine, because STOP HESITATING ON WIDE-OPEN JUMPERS, DAMMIT!
  • Lou Williams: A silver medal, so he can match his unimpressed-buddy McKayla Maroney. “Light”, Lou? You make the top play of the night, and you have the audacity to swag it off as “light”?
  • Anthony Tolliver: A clipboard. Well, let’s face it, maybe this whole “playing” thing isn’t working out for Tolliver… (HE’S SHOOTING 26%!)
  • Larry Drew: I don’t know why, but LD strikes me as a re-gifter. So I’m sure he’s going to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, dreaming something like this:

 


 
You know Larry wants to give the gift of 5-hour energy to the team. Make it happen, Santa!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all!

Bo Churney

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One response to A Merry Hawksmas

  1. If I had a nickel for every time I’m screaming at Bob Rathbun because Al is passing on a wide open jumper, I wouldn’t have to work anymore.

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